Strangers on a Plane


Setting takes place on an airplane heading to Cuba.

JARRED
[Talking on his phone]
[to phone] Mom come on I can handle myself. I’ll just go talk to her and come back home, I’m not going to do anything crazy. [he hangs up the phone]
[Christine glances at him]
JARRED
Hello.
CHRISTINE
Hello.
JARRED
Nice day to fly isn’t it?
CHRISTINE
Yea it is. Where are you headed?
JARRED
The isles, looking for someone.
CHRISTINE
Treasure hunt on the isles sounds like fun.
JARRED
I never thought of it like a treasure hunt, but yea you could call it that.
CHRISTINE
Hope you find your pot of gold.
JARRED
I used to call my wife my ... sniffle pot of gold.
[Christine turns away like she just heard something she shouldn’t have and Jarred bursts out crying]
JARRED
I miss her so much.
CHRISTINE
um... I'm sorry about that.
JARRED
[pulls out his wallet] here's a picture of her naked. Isn't she beatutiful.
CHRISTINE
[looking away] i don't think your wife would want me to see that.
JARRED
[forcing the picture in Christine's face] look at her she looks so peaceful.
CHRISTINE
yes she does she's a beautiful woman.
JARRED
why are you headed to the isles?
CHRISTINE
vacation.
JARRED
oh, you lookin to get some.
CHRISTINE
what? no... that's none of your business.
JARRED
you are! hopin to get a rub down from one of the natives.
CHRISTINE
you know what I'm sorry but i don't feel like we should be talking anymore.
JARRED
if you want i could rub you down. i rub my wife down all the time.
CHRISTINE
excuse me?
JARRED
yea it's really easy watch turn around.[grabbing her shoulder]
CHRISTINE
no let go of me you creep.
JARRED
it's fun holdon.
CHRISTINE
[resisting his efforts to grab her shoulders] GET... YOUR... HANDS... OFF ME!!
[a guy the next seat over turns around to confront Jarred]
MAN
is there a problem over here?
JARRED
mind your own business bub. im just giving this lady a back rub.
MAN
it doesn't seem like shes enjoying your backrub.
JARRED
you think you can do better?
MAN
yea i do in fact [switching seats with JARRED] let me show you how it's done. i've got magic fingers.
CHRISTINE
what? no, you're supposed to be telling him to stop, not taking his place.
MAN
just relax. you're going to enjoy this.
CHRISTINE
don't even think about touching me.
JARRED
ha-ha she doesn't even want you touching her. way to go twinkles fingers.
MAN
magic fingers.
JARRED
whatever
CHRISTINE
hey i don't want either of you touching, better yet looking at me again, do you guys understand?
JARRED
no comprande, me no english.
MAN
yes you do, you were speaking english just fine a second ago.

CHRISTINE
you know what i can't deal with this i'm moving. excuse me mem [talking to the stewardess] i'm not feeling accomodated with these seats, do you have any other vacancies?
JARRED
No don't leave my hands were just getting warm [taking his hands from underneath him] it's going to be a lot better now.
CHRISTINE
Are you crazy? Get away from me. [Gets up and leaves]
JARRED[turns around to the woman in the seat behind him] you c